Playing Catch-Up

Since the last time I posted, Rhett turned two. He is living it to the max, too.

I stumbled upon this scene last week... I guess my drink wasn't only for me.

Why does Grant make pallots on the floor? Maybe he has some Myatt in him (ha ha). As you can see, Rhett always joins in the fun.

My beloved ex-teaching partner, Angie, is expecting her first baby in June. I had a BLAST making her gifts for the shower. Can you tell she's having a girl? Did you guess that I am jealous?

Jessica is responsible for joining these indulgent brownies and myself together in a true love affair. You can make an entire box or a single serving in ONE minute! Wow! Add some fat free whipped cream or ice cream, and you've got yourself a quick, low cal, low fat dessert that is fantastcially similar to Chile's molten lava cake. I found it at Target hidden on the very top shelf in the baking aisle.

Grant's latest contraption.

We're already enjoying summer here in Houston.

Busy Season, although almost gone, has once again taken its toll on me. It's funny how I've grown throughout the last eight years of Busy Seasons. I've gotten tougher, and I've become quite self reliant. I don't get as depressed or as lonely as I did those first four Busy Seasons. It takes a little longer now for it to really get to me, and I suppose that's good - it shows progress and strength in my department. Maybe in eight more years I won't even notice Busy Season at all (wishful thinking???). Of course it has completely worn out Kerry, but in different ways. I honestly don't know HOW he does it - how he works all those 12+ hour days month after month after month. He even works on Saturdays. The only day we really ever get to see him is on Sundays, but Sundays end up being the days Kerry sleeps all afternoon to try to catch up on lost zzzzz's in order to survive. As luck would have it, those end up being the days he is either on or is leading praise team at church - - - - - figures. Sunday ends up being just ANOTHER time for me to be ALONE with the kids. And that's pretty much what sums up my emotions these last few weeks: Alone and so tired and BLAH. There are days when I think, "If I do one more load of laundry, I'm going to explode!" "If I have to change one more diaper, I am going to rip my hair out!" "If I have to tell Grant to quit causing trouble one more time, I'm going to bang my head against the wall!" It's really hard to be a single mother day in and day out for several months in a row, and it really brings me down just b/c I never get a break. Even night time is not sacred. G will come get me at least twice. (This is something we will be breaking over the summer, but it will have to wait until then b/c I just can't handle it right now as I can already tell that the process will truly be exhausting.) This means Grant is ALWAYS with me. Never a break. I'm getting a bit nervous about the summer. Not sure WHAT I'm gonna do with three months of two kids and NOTHING to do and NOWHERE to go...

Really, I don't mind doing housework and being a part-time stay-at-home-mom. (Thank goodness for my job - it's the only thing that gets me out of the house and keeps me sane.) It's not sooooo bad when Kerry gets home at decent times because then I get help with the kids and even ocassional breaks from them. But right now, I'm the only person above the age of five in this house, and it really feels like there's not enough of me to go around. I guess I just miss "Amanda". I've missed "her" ever since Grant was born, but that's part of being a mom - giving up yourself. But right about this time every year, I begin to feel that "Amanda" is gone, and she is never coming back because she is lost forever; lost in daipers and cleaning and errands and baths and stain fighting and laundry and laundry and laundry. I long to do craft after craft after craft - sewing, monogramming; doing things for MY soul/MY sanity. I'm the kind of person that needs two things:

1. Lots of alone time.

2. Lots of creative time.

Problem is, I've had NONE of these in what feels like forever, and I gotta say it's surprising how draining it is that I have not been able to refill "my" tank. And really, doing laundry and cleaning up and picking up and cleaning up and picking up and chasing after two very busy little boys empties "my" tank faster than anything will. Sure, I could totally do crafts and creative things, but my house would become an incredible heaping mess, and that means my work load would only double. Is it worth it?

I don't get it. How is that life is so meaningless without kids, and yet it is so stressful with them? Maybe if Kerry was able to be around more I'd feel more aided and therefore less stressed. I wouldn't have to a be an incredible juggler (maybe I should join the circus). I wouldn't have to find ways to fill 24 hours and feel successful in my choices. I want so much, and it is hard for me to accept that I can't do it all.

I want:

1. My house to be picked up and sanitized all of the time.

2. Laundry to always be caught up with.

3. My car to be cleaned out and for it to stay that way.

4. The small spaces in my house to be organized and quite impressive like Shaye's house surely is. (laundry room, my closet, the garage, the pantry, etc.)

5. To be able to take care of my dog by taking her on healthy walks without the boys. Good grief! It's like I need a leash for all three of them.

6. To be able to be a mom that gives 110% all of the time. The kind that never tires and nurtures her children inside and out. The kind that goes above and beyond. The kind that does not look forward to nap time. The kind that actually gets things done during nap time...

Ugggg. What happened to me? I used to work out and have big goals and be in my twenties and was sure I'd have perfect children that would be potty trained at 18 months, and I was going to sing and sing and sing anywhere they'd let me, and I was going to live life to the fullest and never grow weary. Man - it's hard to do that with kids. I guess you spend your whole life being YOU and living your life to the fullest, and then Busy Seasons and kids come along and you end up making sure they are living their lives to the fullest. I think it's important that I stop and realize that "life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans." That singing and being in my twenties (can you tell I am not handling 30 well???) and conquering the world just isn't going to happen. That maybe I am just another soccer mom. I don't mind it - really. It's just that I feel like such a failure at it. I just wish I could peer into the future and see what my boys will be like when they are grown with families of their own. I want to see them strong in their faith. I want to see them being THE BEST husbands and fathers possible. I want to see them making a difference in the world. If I could check all of those things off of my list, I think I'd be able to relax more because I'd know that all my hard work paid off. All that worrying and trying so hard to be the perfect mother to Difficult Grant was worth it. The only thing that helps to give me peace is that I know that for some reason, God gave me Grant. (You've gotta understand here - Grant is NOT your average kid!) He obviously knows we were a perfect match. (Not always sure how He thinks that since many days I end up wanting three glasses of wine and a soak in a bubble bath.) He trusts me with Grant and knows that I am the only mother out there that is right for him. Therefore, I must press on and finish the race marked out for me. Surely I can do this!??

After writing all of this and relaxing in the therapy it gives, I really think that once Busy Season is over and Kerry "comes back" to us, I'll be doing much better and I won't have to feel like I'm supposed to be Super Woman and that I'm lousy at it. I think expect too much from myself - always have. I think I worry too much. (Let's face facts: That will never change.) I think I care too much about what other people think. I think I may be taking life too seriously. But really, I think it's time for Busy Season to close before I go gray or suffer a stroke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our neighbor has a brand new pet, E.I.E.I.O

While the boys and I began an evening walk last night, we ran into some neighborhood kids that asked quite the random question: Have you seen the baby cow? As far as I knew, I had not suffered any head trauma lately, but I found myself saying, "A baby cow? Where?" I mean, this is a nice neighborhood in Sugar Land, TX, with lots of traffic and smog - this is NOT the place where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play. I knew the family of the house the kids were pointing to, so the boys and I knocked on their door in the hopes of meeting this random livestock animal. Sure enough, they had brought home a six day old bull calf. (They have a ranch about an hour away from here, and when they visited the ranch this last weekend, they found a brand new baby and the mom was no where to be found... )To keep it from starving, they packed up the "tiny" 30 pound baby, and he now resides on their back porch. The boys and I loved on him and even got to feed him his HUGE bottle.

To quote the new human mommy, "He sleeps through the night!" No doubt they are PUMPED about that!

In the meantime, we have been sworn to secrecy as they are trying to keep his presence hidden from our Home Owner's Association. Oooooops. I highly doubt any of you will be turning them in. :)

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It has been raining and raining and raining here. Last night, however, the rains came down and the floods came up, and due to heavy flooding in the area (our house is fine), schools are closed today. This is bad news for me as I was supposed to work today, but since Grant's preschool is also closed, I am having to take a personal day. Oh well - I suppose that's what they're for. It's just that our last day of school is May 14th, and I am really trying to get through the entire curriculum before that day comes. Since we've lost several school days this year due to Ike and other issues presented by Mother Nature, I'm really having to double time it. I REALLY feel sorry for my public school teaching buddies as tomorrow is the TAKS, and it is a BIG deal to miss school the day before TAKS as it is a huge review and "pumping the kids up" day. I can only imagine how those teachers are feeling right now.

Kerry said many roads/highways/intersections are closed due to high water, but he made it to work. It took him two hours, but he made it. I was crossing my fingers that he'd give up and come back home to spend the day with us. But, it is his busy season, and he is a trooper - so I am very proud of him for sticking it out!

Are AA meetings in my future?

I know why mothers of young children become alcoholics. It is because it is impossible to clean the house with youngsters around. If one of them isn't causing trouble, the other one is pulling on my shirt the whole time.

Hippity Hop: The Easter Bunny Rocks

Better late than never certainly applies here. I'm the last one out of my blogging buddies to post an Easter memoir, but I have good reason: My camera's battery was dead - again. Man, those things don't last long if you take many videos.

Grant taking care of the egg part of Easter. We purposefully did this while Rhett was taking a nap. He would have been waaaaaaaaaaay too hands-on. I could just imagine dye and cracked eggs scattered around the kitchen floor.

Saturday morning - one day before Easter.

We went to a park here in New Territory for a community Easter egg hunt. I heard FAB things about the hunts in the past. One lady even told me that last year a helicopter flew overhead and dropped thousands of eggs. The helicopter must have been in the shop this year because our expectations weren't exactly met. There were about 150 eggs that were strewn along the grass, but there were about 400+ kids that were waiting to grab those eggs. In case you are bad at math, I'll help you out: There weren't enough eggs. I knew the boys would be sooooooo sad if they did not even "find" one egg. I also knew that the probability of them grabbing one before an older kid did was about zilch, so I quickly devised a Plan B. I was able to trick (I mean, talk) the boys into playing on the playground at that park instead. Thank goodness they are so gullible at their ages...

I'm sad they didn't get to participate in a huge egg hunt because they are a part of childhood. They go along with sitting on Santa's lap, getting the chicken pox (before the vaccine), falling off of your bike and scraping your knee and playing in the sprinklers during those hot summer months. But on the other hand, I heard so many kids saying, "I didn't even get ONE egg!" after the low probability egg hunt, and I was glad it wasn't my kids that were saying that - they didn't know any better, and while others were mourning their empty baskets, my kids were having a blast on the playground.

They slid together every time. Sooooooo sweet.

This is the same park where Rhett fell in when I took the boys fishing a few weeks ago. This time Kerry and I kept a close eye on our little swimmer. He spent most of his turtle watching time in Kerry's arms or with me tugging on the back of his shirt.

Sunday Morning

The Easter Bunny came! Our Easter Bunny is pretty smart. He knew that Madalyn would get into the yummy candy that was in the baskets, so he hid the baskets in the entertainment center for safe keeping until the morning.

The Ring Pops were a big hit. This surprised the Easter Bunny because there were so many other fun surprises to be found while digging through the baskets of goodies. It made the Easter Bunny think of how Santa must feel when the kids play with the boxes and not the toys under the tree... But, the Easter Bunny's surprises came in handy during church that morning. Whew!

Look, Momma! The Easter Bunny

brought me another airplane.

What?!!!!!!

I can't put my Ring Pop down!! I haven't finished it off yet!! Besides, I'm perfectly capable of unloading my basket with ONE hand.

Sunday Evening

Why not finish off Easter Sunday with a little roll in the mud??

That's mentioned in the Bible, right?

And just because it is so cute, I again give you...

An even better electric bill has arrived!

Our last electric bill was $28. I highly expected the next bill to be double as I was sure Centerpoint would figure out there was SURELY an error somewhere and they would have made us pay for this month and the average we would have paid to cover the mistake last month. I was wrong.

This month's electric bill was............................. EVEN LOWER................................. LOWER.............That's right. It was $10. If only...

I guess it's time to call Centerpoint and give them a heads up about the problem so it won't come back six months from now and bite us in the tooshie. I sure hope they just eat the cost for the past two months and don't require us to make up for their mistakes in the next billing cycle.

The Most PERFECT Saturday

I have waited patiently (most of the time) for some rainy, stormy weather to enjoy. I can't tell you the last time I've heard thunder. I can't tell you the last time I sat on the couch listening to the rain sprinkle the windows and the thunder - well - boom! But, TODAY is the day the most perfect weather has finally come. And to make it even better, it's a Saturday - a LAZY Saturday, and I am LOVING it.
It has been thundering and raining and lightning since about eight o'clock this morning, and it has yet to stop. For the first time in - gosh - not sure exactly - I cooked breakfast this morning, and I HAPPILY did the laundry and a little cleaning as I was being cheered on by the thunder and the dark skies. (Really, I am not depressed. I just like rainy weather.)
The only thing that would make today 101% perfect-o would be if I was w/o kids and lying on the couch watching an old black-and-white movie while eating bon-bons and drinking a DrPepper. But alas, Grant and Rhett are here, Grant is taking up the couch, instead of old movies we are watching "Spongebob", I have no chocolate, and I drank the last DrPepper in the house about four hours ago. Dagger to the heart.
But enough wallowing in self pitty. I refuse to let anything spoil this perfect weather. It is thundering, so I better go enjoy it before tomorrow comes and blue skies are back.
**Disclaimer: I really am NOT depressed. I know I sound depressed, but I am not. I just L-O-V-E random rainy days.

I hope the Easter Bunny lifts weights

because it takes some strength to hold onto my kids during Easter Bunny pictures at the mall...

(Grant = 2yrs)

I honestly can't remember getting Easter Bunny pics taken last year. How is that possible? How could I have overlooked such an important picture? I THINK this is Rhett's 1st Easter Bunny picture. (Poor 2nd kid. Grant had LOTS of Easter Bunny pics taken... Perhaps I should hide them so Rhett's feelings won't get hurt when he's old enough to count just exactly how many times I've dropped the ball with him.) As you can see, he continues to keep the Kilgore name well known in the bunny crowd... At least Grant has made some improvements.

Can you tell Rhett is almost two? Ohhhhhh, the joys...

I honestly don't understand what the big deal is. I NEVER thought the Easter Bunny was scary. How could anyone think he is scary when he brings candy-filled eggs and other fun surprises in pretty baskets? Plus, he's got some really great songs out there about him. Who could fear a holiday animal that "hippity hops" because "Easter is on its way"? I always thought he was fun. He was not on the same plane as Santa, (Then again, who is?? Wait - I've got an answer to that - someone that would come and clean and do my laundry for me would be on a HIGHER plane than Santa.) but nevertheless, Easter always proved to be a fun time. And really, the BESTESTESTEST thing about Easter was the new dress I would get. I was one of those girly girls (still am), and I would have the frilly dress with the matching hat, purse, shoes and gloves - Any holiday that requires new clothing gets an "A" in my book. Can I get an Amen?

Back on topic: I guess boys just don't see it that way. Maybe we should give them credit though: Maybe they really had it right all along and we really should fear grown men that dress in bunny outfits.